I never wish to be easily defined

The last few months I heard that many people talk about me in school, which I left in summer this year. Most of them talked about ‚what is she doing right now?’ And than they started judging. I hate it. I know that I am not an ordinary who is doing everything other people expect me to do. I finished school one year before it’s officially done and I dropped out my voluntary year, because I can’t handle my emotions and thoughts. So now here I am.

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Life isn’t easy! Life is also unfair and a lot of people have to go trough the most bullshit to get the best. Sometimes I am asking myself how much bullshit I can get trough in such a short time. In school times I could not understand why I was crying every week. But it’s  easy to answer.. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to deal with everyday. I hated school, even if I’m an open-minded person I was very shy in front of the class and I haven’t got self-confidence at all. Also I have test-anxiety, so I decided to quit school before it ends. Unfortunately I haven’t got an idea what I could do next. I am very interested in fashion and photography but it isn’t easy to find something with grades which doesn’t fit that ideal image.

 

What most people care about is that I want to do my own thing, that I want to do something I love, something I am happy with. They do not understand that this is what life is about. Or am I wrong? I’m pretty sure that if you believe in something you can do it. You will struggle, we all will do, but everyone should keep on going. Many people want a regular life like: kindergarden, school, studies, a good job, much money, a big house and a happy family. But I am sure, you won’t get a happy family only because you do all these things. Why don’t you want to live your life that at the end of it you are able to say: “I truly lived my life and I DON’T regret the things I didn’t do because I did everything I ever wanted to.“ Life is not meant to simply work, wait for the weekend and pay rent.

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I’ve learned that whatever happens, always keep your head up and do not doubt! I am a person with more doubt than some other people could think of. But for now it’s time to kill those thoughts. I know I can make my dreams come true even if there a lot of people who think I am weak. There will be more times in life were I think SHIT I can’t and there will be times again were I need to cry more often. But it’s okay. The only thing which need to stay forever: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

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