I never wish to be easily defined

The last few months I heard that many people talk about me in school, which I left in summer this year. Most of them talked about ‚what is she doing right now?’ And than they started judging. I hate it. I know that I am not an ordinary who is doing everything other people expect me to do. I finished school one year before it’s officially done and I dropped out my voluntary year, because I can’t handle my emotions and thoughts. So now here I am.


Life isn’t easy! Life is also unfair and a lot of people have to go trough the most bullshit to get the best. Sometimes I am asking myself how much bullshit I can get trough in such a short time. In school times I could not understand why I was crying every week. But it’s  easy to answer.. Everyone has their own problems and struggles to deal with everyday. I hated school, even if I’m an open-minded person I was very shy in front of the class and I haven’t got self-confidence at all. Also I have test-anxiety, so I decided to quit school before it ends. Unfortunately I haven’t got an idea what I could do next. I am very interested in fashion and photography but it isn’t easy to find something with grades which doesn’t fit that ideal image.


What most people care about is that I want to do my own thing, that I want to do something I love, something I am happy with. They do not understand that this is what life is about. Or am I wrong? I’m pretty sure that if you believe in something you can do it. You will struggle, we all will do, but everyone should keep on going. Many people want a regular life like: kindergarden, school, studies, a good job, much money, a big house and a happy family. But I am sure, you won’t get a happy family only because you do all these things. Why don’t you want to live your life that at the end of it you are able to say: “I truly lived my life and I DON’T regret the things I didn’t do because I did everything I ever wanted to.“ Life is not meant to simply work, wait for the weekend and pay rent.


I’ve learned that whatever happens, always keep your head up and do not doubt! I am a person with more doubt than some other people could think of. But for now it’s time to kill those thoughts. I know I can make my dreams come true even if there a lot of people who think I am weak. There will be more times in life were I think SHIT I can’t and there will be times again were I need to cry more often. But it’s okay. The only thing which need to stay forever: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

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